“For you are my God, my only safe haven. Why have you tossed me aside?” Psalm 43:2Where did it go – the glow, the easy praise, the comfort/joy/inspiration/insight/peace? Better yet, where did He go? And eventually I get around to the real question – where did I go? I’ll be honest, I’ve been spoiled…rotten to the core. I have no right to complain…none whatsoever. The good Lord has been exceedingly good to me. He has walked with me, talked with me, carried me, pushed me, challenged me…He has led me, very closely, up and over some dangerously steep climbs. I have asked; He has answered. I have poured my heart out; He has filled it right back up. I have screwed up big time; He has allowed me the grace to give it another go.
But now all of that is gone and my soul aches for its return. I know, I know…it’s all part of His plan, there are many different seasons to this life, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away (is that really in the Bible somewhere??), it’s all part of growing up, He is testing my faith…blah, blah, blah, yeah, yeah, yeah…tell that to somebody who is ready to accept it. Me? Not so much…not yet, not now. Has He forgotten that I’m still in the thick of battle? Doesn’t He know that we’re not out of the woods yet, that this life transformation he dropped on us isn’t complete and we aren’t yet ready to do this on our own? He may have pushed me out of the nest, but this little bird isn’t ready to fly!!!
“But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life.” Psalm 42:8Why couldn’t I hear all of that before? Why didn’t I trust Him to protect me like He said He would? Why did I fear the change He was leading me through? Why didn’t I hear that before…why wasn’t I listening?
Aw, man…I really screwed this one up, didn’t I? I was too busy crying and wailing and kicking and begging and screaming…and doubting…I was too busy with all of that to listen, to hear, and to trust. The moment (the moment!) God didn’t answer, is the instant I began to doubt. And when He didn’t immediately put answer I was so upset that I couldn’t see Him standing there all along. I couldn’t hear Him cheering me on. I wasn’t listening. I was so focused on the wrong He had done to me that I didn’t hear him say those words, you can do it, I believe in you, I am here for you,…I’ll catch you if you fall…I’ll heal you if you hurt…keep your eyes on me, I’ll show you how this is done…I’ll always be here, to experience your joys with you when you succeed and suffer your hurts with you when you fail…to challenge you, to push you, to teach you, to love you no matter how far away from me you ever go…………..
So todays Mountain peak is yesterday's valley of keeping on and having faith and trusting. Why is it the easiest concept is the hardest thing to do? So here's to today.
I miss you. I'll write again soon
Love,
Shannon
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