You would be proud of the mother I am growing up to being. I thought you would like this letter I wrote to Xander to share with you, as I have shared my stories and other thoughts with you.
My Dear Sweet child,
You are now one year of age.Almost 21 months ago I discovered my life would change. I vow to you that each year you get older I will write you a letter.
I have 12 valuable lessons so far, one for each month that you have aged.
For your first month of life I had to learn to be asseretive and tell people the truth. When I said you were the cutest boy to EVER exist it is no lie. And trust me, when I tell you that if I had an opinion about what someone wore or looked like that didn't necessarily agree with me, you would know. I also learned I am a bit of a germ aphobe. But on a serious note, I learned my life was about to change and it was all about you and your schedule.
For your second month of life I learned to trust my instincts or what you might know as a mother's intuition. You were not gaining weight quickly like most newborns do and after several weight check visits, phone calls to the advice line, arguments with your pediatrician at the time, that trip to the ER where they rushed us in an ambulance and said that you were to undergo surgery and cut up your esophagus to help you hold down food and gain nutrients I knew that I would never again doubt that knawing sensation about that everyone else was wrong. I will follow these instincts always to reflect your best interests health and otherwise.
For your third month of life we sort of all just finally breathing and we developed into a routine of things as you were better from your surgery and gaining weight. I think I learned that I need to take care of myself to be able to best take care of you.
At four months I learned to let you get independence and that it was okay for you to cry. I can't always fix everything for you. This also was handy to ensure you slept through the night. By yourself.
At five months I learned there are no guarantees, with anything and to have faith. If God takes care of the sparrow he will most certainly care for you too.
At six months I learned repitition was the key. I eventually convinced you the spoon was not an enemy invading your mouth. We have since been applying this in other areas, but mostly the point is that you are smart, and learn quickly.
At seven months I learned you were my favorite birthday present. But also that your trust in me is not something I ever would want to shatter as we discovered different foods together that you did and did not like but you always trusted me and tried at least one bite. Note that we are still working on this now, but big boy foods and another lesson stems from this but I am getting ahead of myself as I sometimes tend to do.
At eight months I learned the true enjoyment of being a mom because you were just discovering so much and were so happy, nothing really seems to shake your outlook. So take heart, I am trying to follow your lead.
At nine months I learned that family is what helps you get through the bad things. That really, thats what its all about, to keep going and band together. You kept us going through some rough times.
At ten months I learned that to let your grow I had to "sort of" let you go as you entered day care and left the somewhat bubble you and I had made together. It was hard to share you with the world, first from leaving my belly, to entering, to growing. But as you will discover we will always be altering this a bit, but I will never really leave you and that mommmy always comes back.
At eleven months I learned PATIENCE. And I don't think this will be my only time. I am trying to expand your diet of food and teach you the joys of delicious whole fruit and some of the naughtys like candy and french frieds. You will get there in your own time and I cannot rush that. I should know that by now, but like I said, I am learning patience. I can't promise that I will ever perfect this trait. I am somewhat of the impatient nature.
And finally, at twelve months, it sort of fits with the above. I have to let you be your own person, but its kind of fun watching you decide what is so funny that you laugh from your belly, and watching you decide that you don't like something. Things always change. There is no guarantee. But I will always be your mom, I will always love you no matter what, and nothing you could ever do will change either of those.
I love you so much,
Momma
Miss you.
Shannon
No comments:
Post a Comment